The Toastess

Writing toasts for the moments that matter most.

Can you share a sample speech?

We do not circulate sample speeches, but we'd be happy to connect you with referrals — some of whom have shared toastimonials here.

How much do you charge?

You can choose your service here, based on what you need. Rates vary between service levels, with hourly pricing for Bronze and Silver, and package pricing for Gold. Contact us here for more information, and we'll help you choose the best-fit option.

How long does each speech take?

The process generally takes 4-6 hours start to finish, but can vary based on what you need. (Bronze depends on how the speech looks when we receive it; Silver and Gold depend on what you have in mind.)

How much lead time do you need?

The more time, the better! Please reach out at least 1 month in advance. We'll return the speech 1.5 weeks prior to the event, allowing for time to revise, if needed, or memorize.

(On a tighter timeline? We'll do our best to accommodate. If the big day is less than a month away, we suggest selecting the Bronze service — you'll give us a draft that you've already written, and we'll wordsmith from there. Speeches booked in the under-one-month window are subject to a rush fee.)

What if a friend or loved one finds out that you helped me?

The best part about The Toastess: it's ghostwriting, so no one needs to know. We take client confidentiality seriously and do not release any information or publish toastimonials without permission.

How do I pay?

Venmo or check. For Bronze and Silver (hourly pricing), we require payment for the first hour of work before we begin writing. For Gold (package pricing), we require half the payment before we begin writing. And for speeches booked in the under-one-month window, we require full payment upfront.

Do you offer other writing or editing services, outside of toasts?

In between the soliloquies, we consult on high school, college and graduate program applications, and resumes and cover letters, both independently and through companies based in New York. Let us know how we can help.

I'm nowhere near New York. Can you still help me?

Absolutely. Our services are available globally, and we are able to connect in person or by email, phone, or Skype/FaceTime.

What's the best way for me (or a friend) to get in touch?

Email us at, or fill out the contact form here.

Can I hire you to join me at my event? I could wear an earpiece, or you could be my human teleprompter.

Our pleasure. Will accept payment in vanilla buttercream cupcakes. 

Will you repair my toaster or kettle?

So glad you asked! Sadly, the answer is no. If you’ve had a cookware casualty, perhaps you’re looking for